To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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