I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
