It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
