I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
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