found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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