Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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