I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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