also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
