You just made me feel so damn special
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
