the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
