So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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