We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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