Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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