I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
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I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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