omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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