I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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