"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
