I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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