She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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