It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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