In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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