So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
