I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
