I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
