i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
