So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
