Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
