you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
