For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
