Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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