So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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