I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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