You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Randomize
