Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
