she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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