I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
