just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
