dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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