She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Randomize
