Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
