He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
