Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
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