Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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