Can Purell be used as lube?
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
