Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
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