I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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