Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
