you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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