You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize