Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
