He is an equal opportunity slut.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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