Midget sex pt 2 tonight
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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