Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
