Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
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