My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
