i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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