At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
