Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
