It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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