I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
A+ Viking dick
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize