He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
