If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Pooping to opera.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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