my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
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I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
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I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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