i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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