Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
