my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
