my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
