absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
