sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
