she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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