Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
im calling her cock vulture from now on
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
