Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Randomize
