I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
