I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
