first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
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