I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
