Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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