I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
