I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
