Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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