hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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