yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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