gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Randomize
