apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
